Kindness at first sight
A reflection on knitting spaces and care, CraftDoodling Designs News, etc.
My social media feed has been exploding with two types of posts: people knitting hats, and people being criticized for knitting hats. Alongside that, there are arguments about whether knitting is political or not.
Many of you who follow me here might know that my family moved to the Bay Area in 2015. I had just stepped down from a twelve-year corporate career to raise my two young children. I had been knitting and crocheting for more than eight years before arriving here, so naturally, I relied heavily on my hobbies as a source of emotional support while getting used to a new place.
At that time, if you had told me, “knitting is political,” I would have laughed, or at least politely smiled, thinking it was some kind of joke.
The very first time I walked into a library knitting group, I was greeted with, “We don’t teach knitting here, if you’re looking for it.” I was hoping for, “How long have you been knitting?” or “What are you making?” or at the very least, a simple, “Hello.” I seated myself anyway and pulled out a sweater I was making for my daughter.
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Fast forward to last week: A decade later, I teach knitting and crochet classes almost every week at yarn stores, now. I am still regularly mistaken for someone wanting to learn rather than the instructor.
Many of the regulars at the store, as well as the staff who have become friends, occasionally notice what is happening and say, “Jeez! You still get that?” Most of the time it is harmless and even makes for a good conversation starter. I am unbothered and amused at best when these things happen.
But then one day, someone takes one look at you and decides to cancel a class because they are not comfortable with your accent. That hurts a little.
Another day, you are teaching a class at one table while a large group of knitters sits at another nearby. You are in the flow, explaining a technique, and want to show your students another example of the crochet method you are discussing. You get up and reach for a sample on display, only to hear a loud, “Hey!” from the other table. When you turn back, startled, everyone is silently bent over their work. You pause for a moment, then move on because you have a class to teach. That evening, at home, it hurts more. Or maybe you finally allow yourself to feel the hurt. The sample I momentarily picked up to show the class was made by me!
It stings, but these are also some of the most revealing moments. It becomes clear what others see about you that you do not see yourself. But I know better than to bristle in reaction, because this is nowhere near the kind of real marginalization many people experience.
To be fair, I have also had loads of positive experiences, met several kind, generous and skilled knitters who regularly work with me, and provide incredible support to my work. For one person who walked away from a class, I have had the chance to teach hundreds, if not thousands over the past years. That is another reason I do not want to fuss about it too much. Usually this comes from people who do not know me or about my work and that’s fine.
That’s fine?
That’s fine, only when I don’t look very closely.
Is it really fine that I come across as “out of place” by default? Is it really fine that my presence in a space is often conspicuous before my work? Shouldn’t “kindness at first sight” be the norm in knitting spaces that are perceived, after all, as a warm, gentle part of our community?
While there are many ongoing conversations about resistance, solidarity, belonging and difference, I also can’t help thinking about how even the coziest knitting spaces do not offer a neutral experience to everyone unless careful thought and vigilance are in place. 🤍
What do you notice about care and attentiveness in the knitting spaces you move through? Let me know in the comments. ♥️
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CRAFTDOODLING DESIGNS UPDATES
Malabrigo Yarns published a blogpost on their website about my recent release - Shawlaholics Vol.3 Reshma and Soie patterns. ❤️
Latha Cardigan is currently getting edited by my TE. Please stay tuned for a testing call from me. ❤️
Latha Cardigan - Pattern getting ready for testing I am starting with a new shawl design, using Miss Babs Tarte yarn. I love the colors together. I will keep you posted as I make progress. ❤️
My February/March classes are currently scheduled at the following places. Please check them out if you’re interested.❤️
Fillory Yarn Double knit button bands
Fillory Yarn Basic Crochet Hat Class
Royal Bee Yarn Intro to 2-color brioche (flat)
Stitch and Revel Intro to 2-color brioche (flat)
Stitch and Revel Basic Granny Square Class
Stitch and Revel Advanced Granny Square Class
OTHER UPDATES YOU MIGHT LIKE
Bay Area Yarn Crawl is just around the corner. It is always heartening to see the Crawl team go an extra mile to provide safe and joyful experience for everyone during the crawl.
READING UPDATES
Currently reading 📖
Great Big Beautiful Life - Emily Henry
How to commit a postcolonial murder - Nina McConigley
Until next time,
Kavitha. ♡
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A reminder to make our knitting spaces friendly and kind. My LYS closed ( a big rent increase paired with an economy unfriendly to small businesses). I have found over the years that often yarn store regulars become very cliquish. I am a woman who looks like the knitters at the table, and am there to shop. I know from Black friends about the constant indignities they experience in yarn shops. My reminder to myself is to offer kindness to everyone I encounter in knitting spaces.
You're correct, unkind isn't fine.
I teach art to elementary students. The other day a boy made an absolutely unacceptable racial comment in my room (a boy who himself needs lots of understanding due to his circumstances – thankfully my skilled administration will step in to support and guide him positively). As class was ending, I reinforced being always kind when a boy who recently moved from another country said 'Americans are mean.' My heart broke – no child should feel that way in our schools.
A mantra at our school is 'Be Kind,' but I'm going to make a poster for my art room that says 'Kindness First.' It puts a different spin on it. I'll share your personal experience of preconceived opinions to help illustrate this – your message will spread a little more, and a little more, and a little more...