Knitting makes me feel anxious

Living with uncertainty in your art, a featured pattern etc.

The thought of sitting down to knit makes me feel anxious, a lot of times. 

There. I said it. 

I am particularly talking about the uncertainty that lurks around my design work - the act of creating something new and putting it out in the world. There are so many questions my brain just starts bringing up:

• Would anyone be interested in the design I am trying to create? What if no one likes it?

• What if it is too simple/too complicated?

• Does this make sense for the collaboration and my collaborator? Would they want to work with me again?

• Does this resemble an already existing design? Am I repeating myself in my work?

• Am I trying enough new things in my work?

• Maybe I am making too many shawls & cowls?

• I want to design garments, why am I not studying / researching about it now?

• I want to use that stitch pattern again. Would people think I am running out of new ideas?

• Should I actually be sitting and knitting right now? Shouldn't I be writing more proposals?

• Am I taking too much time in between designs?

I wish there was a pause button ⏸️ to these unrelenting questions. ❓❓❓

They don't have any answers yet, and I can't control them. The only way to know is to finish the task. Do you think so too?

But how does work get done in the face of so many uncertainties? Especially when the work is a creative pursuit. What would convince me to go through with the work? What will make me pick up those needles again and again in spite of the uncertainties? 

Making the work you want to make means finding nourishment within the work itself. 

- Art & Fear, David Bayles & Ted Orland.

Over time, I am beginning to see that there are some helpful things I can practice within my craft itself  to help me with these situations. 🧶 It won't solve all my problems, but it can help me do the work I want to do today, in spite of my doubts and fears.

Taking time to appreciate the progress we have made and recognizing how far we have come often is a truly healing practice. It gives us the reassurance we need and guides us in deciding about what to do next. 

The questions I listed above are all about achieving results. They're important, to make meaningful progress in my chosen work. But those questions will remain unanswered until I actually do the work and either achieve the results or fail to do so.

But is it worth waiting to feel happy and satisfied, until the results are known?

The same questions will emerge in my next project, and the next. Probably as long as I am involved in any sort of creative pursuit. What then?

I recently came across this quote by Denis Waitley and it struck a chord:

It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit.

Knitting has so many endless little joys to offer that will see me through the day: rhythmic stitching, playing with colorful yarn, drape of the knitted fabric on my lap, intricate stitch patterns, learning new techniques, joyful little tools and notions, the feel of different fibers through my fingers, knitting to TV, music & audiobooks, and the everyday magic of turning string into something wearable.🪄 🧣

I think knitting might be one of the perfect examples for the "happiness of pursuit." Do you agree?

Oftentimes, doing the work/craft is itself soothing to the anxious mind. Read my friend and knitting colleague Anne Vally's brilliant essays to know in how many different ways a creative practice can be nourishing to the mind and the body. 💗

Happiness is in the ways we can endlessly refine and improve in our craft. It is about getting lost in the process, which ultimately leads to progress.

Then, probably the best question to ask is, "How long did I get to knit today?" 😊 

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Featured Pattern : Savor Shawl

This one was done in collaboration with dear Anne, about 2 years ago. It is an all-over lace patterned DK weight shawl that combines common motifs like diamonds, gingham checks and leaves in a heartwarming way.

Memories from this collaboration still remains warm in my heart and the shawl continues to be my favorite one to wear on special days.💖

You can download the pattern from here or here. 

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Here are some things I thought you might like

Sometimes, even boring subjects are interesting to draw. Don't you think? :)

Last week I had written about Who dictates my creative process? Thank you so much for your warm reception, kind comments and the little hearts. 

Books I finished reading recently:

📖 Miss Benson's Beetle by Rachel Joyce

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